Fifth Place


A/N: I am shocked I must say this, however this may not make sense except you learn the earlier 4 elements first! Additionally, that is sort of a sluggish burn if you wish to get to the good things, so you will want a little bit of endurance.


For some time, every little thing hurts. I keep away from class for a few weeks, delaying the inevitable. Once I do return my poise is non-existent, and my physique appears like lead. I do know she will not be there, however her absence nonetheless cuts deeper than I might’ve imagined.

The burn in my chest hurts worse than any criticism the Grasp throws my means in the next few classes.

“Assembl√©… Mia! I mentioned Assembl√©!”

“Andouille. It took you lengthy sufficient….”

The opposite dancers whisper amongst themselves. I do not trouble to hear.

With time the load begins to raise. The ache is extra of a boring ache, and I can dance once more. My physique is extra in tune with itself than ever, and after weeks of criticism I am not afraid of failing. Once I step into the studio, the remainder of the world falls away because the music swells and flows by way of me. I barely hear the Grasp’s reward. I am not dancing for anybody else – that is only for me.


I would forgotten all concerning the quantity she left for me.

Uncovering it brings again our final moments collectively in all their searing glory. I resist the urge to press the paper to my nostril and inhale any of her lingering scent, then throw it again the place I discovered it and attempt to regular my respiration.

I attempt to ignore the persistent curiosity about why she would go away it for me. Or extra particularly, who would possibly reply if I had been to name. One morning, earlier than I can overthink it, I dial the quantity with trembling fingers.

A male voice solutions. Of course it isn’t her. Then disappointment is changed by disgrace when the person introduces himself as a therapist. A therapist. Like I am some sort of damaged doll, and that is her means of easing her guilt now she’s carried out enjoying with me.

I attempt to make my excuses, battling towards my must be well mannered. “I am sorry, there’s been a misunderstanding. A pal gave me this quantity, but-.”

His tone is extra mild the subsequent time he speaks. “Mia? I have been anticipating you. Natasha mentioned you would possibly name. She-“

“It would not matter what she advised you, as a result of I nonetheless cannot afford this.”

“There isn’t any cost – this can be a favour for a pal.”

“I do not care-“

He cuts me off firmly this time. “One dialog. If you wish to stroll away on the finish of it then that is okay. I have been retaining a while free for you. Do you have got a pen at hand?”

After, as I wrestle with the mess of feelings, I first curse my incapability to say no. Then I attempt to really feel livid about how patronising it’s to determine a therapist was crucial with out even talking to me first… Lastly, I settle for that attending is inevitable, as a result of I would do something if it meant feeling any sort of connection to Natasha once more.


In a flip of occasions that is not in any respect stunning in hindsight, it would not find yourself being one dialog. Weeks flip into months, and remedy is extra painful, cathartic and worthwhile than I might have presumably imagined.

My therapist is bearded and good-looking, a few a long time older than I’m. After a couple of periods I additionally recognise him as a dominant. I am ashamed to say that at one level I find yourself convincing myself that I am in love with him. On the finish of a session, I chew the bullet and ask him if he’d additional my training by taking me on as his submissive.

After the longest, most awkward pause identified to man, he clears his throat and appears at me with a mix of amusement and sympathy.

“Have you ever realized nothing about boundaries in these periods, Mia? I believed we had been making progress?”

actually anyplace however him, I chew my lip and start gathering my issues. I normally admire his humour, however, right now, it makes the humiliation burn worse. He can learn me like a guide, nonetheless, and adjustments his method.

“Mia, we have to deal with this appropriately. Now please, sit down.”

I am unable to ignore the authority in his tone, so I stoop again down reverse him. I need to resent him; however, deep down, I admire that he will not let me keep away from issues.

“I used to be very clear on my position as your therapist, was I not?” His tone is mild, with only a trace of his regular humour.

“Sure, I perceive… I perceive how it could be utterly inappropriate and unethical. However, as you hadn’t been charging me, I believed perhaps what you bought out of this was…”

Once I sneak a have a look at him, his face is a mix of horror and exasperation. I’ve by no means seen him flustered, and if I wasn’t so embarrassed I would in all probability have discovered it humorous.

“However that will imply that I used to be grooming you… do you actually suppose that will be acceptable behaviour from me? Do you imagine you deserve a therapist or a dominant who would manipulate you want that?”

I shake my head, my eyes glued again to the ground.

“Mia, please do not blame your self. I made the belief you had sufficient details about why I need to allow you to. It was my duty to make sure that boundary was firmly established, particularly when I understand how widespread it’s for purchasers to develop emotions for his or her therapists.”

“Is it widespread?” The disgrace lifts a bit of, however I nonetheless cannot carry myself to search for.

“You are not even my first consumer that I’ve had this dialog with. We discuss very private issues; if some wires change into crossed it is simple for me to finish up representing what you need from a accomplice. Does that make sense?”

“Oh… sure. Type of.”

“And, except for the truth that I’m your therapist, even when I wasn’t, I haven’t got any submissives.”

He sighs closely, and once I probability a have a look at him, he appears to be like years older and his disappointment is palpable.

“A very long time in the past I used to be able of energy, however not what a real dominant must be. I used to be not a very good man, and I triggered an unimaginable quantity of harm. I can by no means take again what I did, and I can by no means make up for it. So, alongside my common purchasers, I supply free remedy to submissives to attempt to guarantee they’re by no means preyed on by somebody like the person I used to be.”

I perceive the load of disgrace, so when his eyes meet mine there’s nothing however compassion to greet them.

“Thanks, I perceive. So… did she learn about your previous? Or simply that you’d be prepared to assist me?” He is aware of I nonetheless cannot say her title, though we’re making an attempt to work on it.

“Natasha?” I nod, and he ignores my wince of ache at listening to her title out loud.

“Each, however she is not actively in my life. Had she been, I would not have taken you on because it would not have been acceptable. However I need to reassure you once more that I might by no means inform her that you simply’re even a consumer, not to mention what we discuss.”

I nod, and the stress leaves the air. “So, identical time subsequent week then?”

He appears to be like at me thoughtfully; there is a trace of one thing in his eyes that I do not recognise earlier than the acquainted glint of humour returns.

“While I do not need you to neglect that propositioning me was wildly inappropriate, I am flattered you suppose an outdated man like me might sustain with you.”

I snort, buttoning my jacket to cover my blush. “Sorry, it was my mistake for considering you could possibly. I hadn’t thought of that whipping may very well be a well being hazard for the aged.” No sooner are the phrases out of my mouth do I want I might take them again. My pores and skin heats up by about ninety levels.

“In one other life, had I been your Dominant, you would not have dared communicate to me like that.”

He appears to be like amused, and considerably wistful, while I am tongue-tied and blushing from head to toe. He shakes his head wearily.

“Similar time subsequent week, and for each of our sakes let’s take into account this matter handled.”

I mumble my settlement and slip out the door earlier than I can embarrass myself any additional. I’ve by no means been so glad to skip down the steps and escape into the contemporary air.


For a very long time now, I have been the star pupil of our class. I by no means thought I would discover a silver lining to the outlet Natasha left, however life is filled with surprises, and it retains on throwing me by way of a loop.

It begins off as a traditional Friday. I am operating late for sophistication, so I am final in to alter. I squeeze into my regular spot, chirping my regular greetings to everybody, and I am midway by way of altering earlier than I realise that the chatter that normally fills the room is suspiciously absent.

A well-known, scent catches my consideration and impacts my traitorous physique in methods through which it should not in any case this time. Identical to that, she’s right here once more; like nothing occurred, like no time has handed, like she did not stroll away and depart my coronary heart shattered into tiny items. I do not look – I cannot – and I pray that she would not communicate as a result of I do not suppose my coronary heart might take it.

I can really feel her eyes on me all through the category, and I wish to suppose they’re appraising as I soar by way of the session. One way or the other I handle to make it by way of and not using a single encounter, not even a touch of eye contact… till I am exterior after class and making an attempt to name a taxi. It is raining exhausting, and we’re soaked nearly as quickly as we have stepped out.

I can scent her earlier than I see her – scent actually is essentially the most highly effective reminiscence set off. I do not need to look. She gently tugs at my arm.

“Let’s discuss. Come on.”

I spin round and attempt to maintain on to the flare of anger that I really feel once I look into her frustratingly, stunning, excellent face for the primary time in ceaselessly.

“It took just some weeks to get me utterly hooked on you. Then you definitely had been gone, and it took ceaselessly for me to be even barely okay. And now you are making an attempt to name the pictures once more like nothing ever occurred, performing like every little thing is fine-“

“Mia, do I look high-quality to you? I’ve watched you flourish while I fell aside.”

I have a look at her correctly for the primary time, and I can see she’s telling the reality. She’s nonetheless so stunning, however she appears to be like exhausted, and like she’s misplaced an excessive amount of weight. Her depth is there however a lot dimmer than earlier than.

I seize her arms, immediately afraid. “What’s fallacious? Are you sick?”

She chuckles, the sound stirring one thing in me I desperately attempt to ignore. “Perhaps, in my head? I went dwelling for some time, and it wasn’t a cheerful expertise. And I do not suppose I’ve slept correctly because the final time you had been subsequent to me.”

Her vulnerability catches me off guard. When she tugs my hand and motions for me to observe I’ve to go together with her. Her entrance door and the staircase really feel each overseas and acquainted, and as soon as we’re seated I strive not to consider the final time I used to be right here.

I do not realise my enamel are chattering till she tugs gently at my soaking jacket.

“You are freezing. Let’s heat you up.”

“If that is simply an excuse to take my garments off-“

She rolls her eyes. “Or perhaps I simply need to discuss to you, and I need you to be comfy?”

She’s solely glad as soon as the fireplace is lit and I am wrapped in a thick blanket. I’ve turned into a long-sleeved, smooth shirt that smells like her and it is taking all of my willpower to not inhale when she units a steaming mug of tea in entrance of me.

She has modified too however she’s nonetheless shivering, so I open the blanket and make area for her subsequent to me. I count on her to withstand, however she comes so willingly it makes my coronary heart ache.

We sit aspect by aspect, stiff at first, making an attempt to navigate this new territory. She nonetheless feels chilly, so finally I gently steer us till she’s mendacity down and I wrap myself round her, tucking the blanket over us and resting my head on her shoulder.

She breathes a bit of contented sigh, and if I wasn’t so frightened, I would be offended together with her about how simple and excellent that is. I need to shake her, demand solutions, ask her why we could not have simply carried out this earlier than?

Her coronary heart is pounding underneath my hand. “I do know I mentioned I needed to speak, however, now that you simply’re right here, it is a lot more durable…” I am used to her main, and her uncertainty pains me.

I transfer nearer, urgent my face into her neck. We each stiffen on the contact, and I attempt to ignore the heat that pulses underneath my pores and skin. “It is okay, take your time. I am not going anyplace.”

She offers a dry little sob, and I would take all of the ache of the final yr once more so she did not have to harm. “I do know you are not, Mia. One way or the other you are still right here, after I broke us each simply because I used to be scared. I do not deserve you.”

“You do. You need to be completely happy, and so do I. However I can solely strive if I do know you will not run once more.”

She turns to face me, our lips simply inches aside and her fingers softly brushing the hair away from my cheek. “By no means. By no means once more. However I additionally do not need to rush this. I need to take it sluggish and provides us each the connection we deserve.”

I barely get the prospect to agree earlier than she closes the hole between our lips and kisses me softly and sweetly. I count on her to cease me once I pull her nearer, deepening the kiss, however she matches my want, devouring my lips hungrily till we’re each gasping for breath.

She rests her brow towards mine. “You are not going to really feel rejected if I cease issues from going too far, are you?”

“Perhaps earlier than, however not now.”

A couple of smooth and lazy kisses later she pulls away once more, her eyes smooth and proud. “You determined to go to remedy, did not you? I am assuming you determined to stay with him?”

I nod, basking in her approval. “So… I do know he would not let you know something even in case you requested. How do you know I used to be flourishing?”

Her mouth twists right into a smile that does not attain her eyes. “I used to be by no means actually gone, I simply knew you’d keep away as a result of I would advised you to. You could not bear to disobey, nonetheless a lot it harm you. I switched lessons to a unique day, however I would discover excuses to stroll by the studio simply earlier than class can be beginning or ending. I could not minimize myself off from you utterly.”

“However I wasn’t okay… I simply needed to discover a strategy to keep on. Once I wasn’t coping…”

She presses a finger to my lips. “I do know. I noticed. I am unable to neglect. And I promise I’ll by no means harm you want that once more.”

—————————————————————————————————

The primary few weeks after our reunion are a mixture of bliss and anxiousness. To her credit score, Natasha is so candy, affected person and attentive that I ultimately realise that this time actually is totally different. She has no intention of pulling away from me once more.

We take issues sluggish, as we each agreed, though this proves to be far simpler mentioned than carried out. We attempt to date extra historically to start with, however neither of us are conventional girls. Our dates start to mirror our internal wishes, which provides one other layer of torture to taking issues sluggish.

One evening we attend a burlesque present that I’ve waited months to see. A dancer, curvy and sensual, appears to have all of Natasha’s consideration.

I nudge her with my elbow. “You arrived with me, bear in mind? Am I going to finish up leaving on my own?”

She chuckles and the look in her eyes is… devilish. “I used to be simply considering that you could possibly undoubtedly do higher. In non-public. For me.”

She rests her fingers towards my cheek, feeling the blush spreading underneath my pores and skin. We have confronted loads of temptation prior to now, from bodily having to pry ourselves aside after getting too heated throughout a film… Or saying goodbye… Or principally any time we’re alone collectively.

Nevertheless, the one point out of something extra was after we each agreed that it was utterly off the desk till we had been each prepared. I’ve been for some time now, however I do know Natasha is therapeutic and studying to belief herself once more. That felt value ready for, even when I’m falling asleep each evening eager about all of the other ways I want she’d torture me.

Realising she would possibly take my silence for reluctance, I dip my eyes in an apparent act of submission. “Ma’am solely has to ask. You understand I will do something to please you.”

Her fingers are nonetheless on my cheek, and he or she’s so quiet I am scared I’ve pushed too exhausting. When she dips her fingers underneath my chin and forces me to take a look at her, her eyes are darkish and hungry, and my physique burns with sizzling need and aid.

“Are you positive you are prepared, Mia? You are not speeding since you need to make me completely happy?”

“Sure. Pleeeease.” I did not imply for it to come back out so whiny, however from the best way she smirks, and the way her fingers tighten round my chin, it was in all probability the precise response. “I imply, sure. I am prepared. I’ve been for a short time, however I did not thoughts ready till you had been. So sure, please, let’s discuss it.”

Her smile is dazzling, and her fingers brush towards my lips after she releases my chin. “Okay, however not now. After class on Friday.”

“Can I at the very least sit in your lap?”

She pretends to consider it, like I have not crept up there to snuggle together with her fifty instances prior to now. “I assume… you had been distracting me anyway, so a bit of extra cannot harm.”

I slip out of my seat and onto her lap. “I used to be distracting you? You imply you had been ogling the dancers and I known as you out on it.”

Her arms snake round my waist and pull me nearer. Her breath is sizzling towards my pores and skin as she presses a couple of smooth kisses towards my neck, working her means as much as behind my ear. I am unable to cease myself from grinding into her lap when she nips my earlobe gently.

“I advised you I used to be picturing you up there. All of those women are boring. I would a lot fairly watch you. Now, take note of your present.” The shift in our dynamic is palpable and scrumptious.

I attempt to watch the remainder of the present, however I am far too distracted. Considered one of her arms, innocently positioned round my waist, finds its strategy to my thigh. Scarlet nails rake up my naked pores and skin, and smooth fingers easy their means again down. She laces the fingers of her different hand with mine, however quickly they’re tracing teasing patterns on the again of my hand and all the way down to my palm.

Each every now and then her lips brush towards my neck, or her tongue teases my ear. I am unable to maintain nonetheless, and by the top of the present I am a sweaty, wriggly mess and dying to flee her lap. We’ve 4 lengthy nights till there’s even an opportunity she would possibly truly contact me; however that additionally means I’ve 4 extra nights the place I can contact myself while I fantasise about all of the other ways she would possibly take me aside.

Because the lights come up, she tightens her grip round me, pinning me to her lap. She sucks my earlobe gently, then laughs as I soften into her. “You understand why I like these little clothes of yours, Mia?”

“Since you suppose I am cute, and my ass appears to be like wonderful?”

“In fact. But additionally as a result of they’re flimsy. Everytime you put on cotton you soak proper by way of it, and I can really feel what a needy little mess you might be.”

I attempt to flip round to see if she’s critical, however she holds me in place, sucking and biting my neck. “You are exaggerating, it isn’t that dangerous.”

I really feel her smiling towards my pores and skin. “Would I mislead you? You are all the time too distracted to note. Why do not you see for your self?”

The room has nearly emptied, so there isn’t any one round to see me slip my hand between my thighs. Positive sufficient, an enormous moist patch has soaked by way of my underwear onto my costume. I’ve barely acquired my hand free earlier than she’s grabbed my wrist and raised it to her mouth so she will be able to suck my fingers clear. My mind short-circuits on the feeling of her sizzling, moist mouth towards my pores and skin.

When she’s launched my fingers, she purrs contentedly towards my ear. “See? And what a scrumptious mess you might be. I do not suppose it could be too unreasonable to ask you not to the touch your self till Friday? I need you to be so needy you beg for it. Do not take into consideration making an attempt to cheat although, Mia, I all the time know. You have been far too glad on our dates lately.”

All the time two steps forward of me. I like her; I like her a lot. However I am unable to inform her, as a result of I am nonetheless afraid she’ll run. So, I flip round and kiss her as a substitute, biting her lip and grinding exhausting on her thighs, till I can really feel her trembling with want. “So, Friday then?” My tone is harmless, though it takes each fibre of my being to drag away from her.